Tesla

This is awesome!

 http://theoatmeal.com/comics/tesla

In fact, the whole is awesome.

The Small Things

I woke up happy this morning. I don't know exactly why specifically. I was just an over-all sense that everything is going to be ok; Everything is going to work out; The best of my life is still ahead of me, not behind me. I also realized, these days, I derive much pleasure in the small thing which may not seem so important to others but hold some significance to me. The best way I can think to describe it is all these little things that are assisting in bringing to light who I am.......Maybe for the first time in my life. In fact, I'm pretty sure for the first time in my life.

It's not that they weren't always there. They just existed as a footnote to whatever else I was being at the time....which was something defined by someone else. And, as the "real me" is surfacing, I'm actually a little surprised at times by who it is I actually am. I'm definitely more comfortable with it. It comes with a great sense of relief.....just relaxing and being me.

To Do Or Not To Do

I can't for the life of me figure out why I have such a difficult time getting organized. Theoretically, I love organization and my intentions are always to GET organized. Somehow that never translates into my reality. I'm well aware of how organization is to my benefit. But, when it comes time to actually accomplish this so far un-accomplishable (is that actually a word?) feat, I immediately freeze up, wander around aimlessly, then find something to distract myself with....like watching a tv show I have absolutely no interest in. I don't know why it seems so overwhelming. It's not like everything is so disorganized it's really hopeless. In fact, I suspect if I could manage to actually work on it, it could be accomplished in a day. I haven't always been this way. I used to always be doing something. Used to be there was nothing I liked better than organizing, using up every minute doing something and having several other projects lined up to fit into any vacant spot of time that might appear.

The problem appears to begin in my brain. When I try to think about what I need to organize, or how I want to organize, my brain seems to suddenly erupt into a chaotic frenzy resulting in a mild state of panic that only subsides when lulled by the aforementioned boring tv show or something equally useless. This is followed by a sense of guilt/failure/self-criticism. I have tried allowing myself a day (or days) of NOT planning to get organized in hopes I could take the pressure off and, no longer being required to get organized, find myself casually doing it anyway. But, it seems, there is no fooling my brain. The second it realizes my true intentions, it reacts accordingly. I have tried making lists. Sometimes I can't even get more than 2-3 things on it before chaos once again prevails.

Time is the thing I have the worst struggle with in my organizational dilemma. I'm overwhelmed with a sense of there not being enough time to do anything when, in reality, I spend more time doing nothing at all than anything else. I spend HOURS doing nothing. I have also spent hours on the internet researching topics such as time management, organization tips,  etc....which, based on the results, the time required to do that has proven to fit comfortably in the category of "doing nothing" as well.

Sometimes I suspect this whole thing is some sort of unresolved rebelliousness. I hate being bossed around and am contrary to it.....apparently even when I'm attempting to boss myself. The second I tell myself to do anything useful, I follow that with immediate resistance and a counter-thought of something useless to do instead.

The weirdest thing is when I finally manage to be doing something productive, I'm plagued with the thought I really should be doing something else...even feeling guilty about that....with no idea just what that "other thing" is I really should be doing instead of what am doing. This, I suspect, I can blame on my marriage. My soon-to-be-ex seemed to, more often than not, believe that, regardless of what I was doing, my time could be better spent. In fact, I used to love days when he had a lot of sports to watch because those were the days he was the least likely to have an opinion about my own activities.....for obvious reasons. Consequently, even when I manage to get myself to do something productive, I am robbed of the pleasure of it. The whole thing is just exhausting and dispiriting.

I realize I'm caught in some sort of do-loop (or "don't loop"). So far I've been unable to think my way out of it.

ADDED LATER: You know, maybe I ought to just cut myself a little slack. I have a tendency to be "Spockish", relying much more on my thoughts than my feelings. I'm in a bit of a tough spot right now and probably emotionally reacting more than I'm aware of. Maybe I ought to just ride this out for a bit.

Geeks and Aspergers

My grandson has been diagnosed with Aspergers.

Interesting thing about Aspergers...
Aspergers isn't a mental disorder in the normal sense. It is a brain wired differently from birth. You don't develop #Aspergers. You are born with it.
Aspergers is considered the highest functioning level of Autism. Some of it's symptomatology can include intelligence or capability usually focused on specific subjects, social awkwardness, inability to engage is small talk, one way conversations expounding on a specific subject, Inability to correctly read the emotional reactions of others. Sensitivity to noise, light or specific colors. Having "melt downs" when presented with an accumulation of stressors often unidentifiable to others. A need for structure or order in ones life. (In the case of full blown autism, social interaction is almost impossible and sensitivity to sound, light, human interaction can be almost unbearable causing them to completely disassociate from others and, more often than not, pour their entire being into one specific activity at which they excel in way beyond the norm.)
Interestingly, the next level up, and not included as having Aspergers, is where most #Geeks live; the primary difference being less an inability to function socially but more the lack of interest in doing so. Geeks often don't see the point in "normal" social interaction and structure and, consequently, are often not good at it. Given a test for Aspergers, most Geeks will score high, but below the line for a diagnosis of Aspergers, scientists, mathematicians, computer geeks and extremely talented musicians and artists scoring the highest.

Both Geeks and those with Aspergers are usually primarily interested in one subject or one set of related subjects. Those with Aspergers (and even more so in more intense Autism) are often interested in and/or greatly excel in one specific thing. Geeks are capable of expanding into most subject matter but our genuine interests are usually more focused and anything outside of that focus tends to bore us.

Both Geeks and those with Aspergers find themselves frustrated with "normal" society and "normal" social interaction. This often begs the question as to what is "normal". I can't help but find it interesting that society as a whole has somehow pigeon-holed those who can't (or won't) engage in meaningless small talk, can't (or have no interest in) less intellectual dialog or pursuits, can not make sense of "society", as being the ones with the "problem". And, apparently, the less one is willing or capable of interacting in meaningless social activity, the greater the "problem".

Geeks have the advantage, over those with Aspergers and Autism, of not (yet) being "diagnosed" and have today successfully formed a sort of sub-culture of our own. Yet, we are still occasionally expected to interact on a mundane level and notoriously experience various levels of anxiousness, even to the point of anxiety attacks, or just general distaste, when having to do so. Even in the tv show "The Big Bang Theory", the Geeks are portrayed as somehow "lacking" in social skills and painfully desirous of having those skills....with the exception of Sheldon...the most brilliant of the bunch...who has simply rejected the notion that he should interact with general society at all, but still suffers when he finds social interaction with his own group to be difficult at times. Because of his total rejection of social acceptance as a whole, he is perceived (and portrayed) as being "abnormal", self centered and arrogant.

Some of the greatest minds and successful creators in the realm of the arts, science, mathematics, (including Bill Gates), etc, have/had Aspergers. The mathematician John Nash is Autistic.

Which begs the question....

Why would it be considered more "normal", more desirable, to be able to SOCIALLY PARTICIPATE in the more mundane aspects of society than to CONTRIBUTE (sometimes profoundly so) to the betterment of society? Is it more important for those with Autism, Aspergers and even Geeks to be forced to learn to engage with a society that makes no sense to them or is it more important for them to gain a level of acceptance, a place of acceptance, in both themselves and society as a whole that allows their abilities to thrive free of those expectations?

Is the learned ability to "function well" in society while still being a Geek (or in the case of Aspergers or even Autism) more well-rounded and advantageous, or does it actually result in a dilution of what  one would/ could otherwise contribute?

Our family contains a lot of Geeks. I can't say it surprises me that at least one of us ended up being diagnosed with Aspergers. And to tell you the truth, I find myself greatly relieved that this is the case, as opposed to all the other psychiatric diagnostic labels doctors have attempted to attach to my grandson. It is a "condition" I believe this family is uniquely suitable to deal with. My only concern is that the therapy supplied to him consists equally of acceptance, even enthusiastic support and encouragement, for who he is as much, if not more, than developing improved social skills or becoming more"socially acceptable".

Idiocracy

I just have to say right here, right now, there is no way on earth I could take a Presidential candidate seriously that believes "Creationism" (ie Christianity) should be taught in a science classroom. I believe G-d created the universe. I also believe G-d created the Laws of Physics and the scientific methods whereby the universe formed and evolved. The idea that the universe was created to completion in 7 literal days is nonsensical and the idea that this is what is meant in Genesis even more so since the sun and moon (ie stars and planets) were not created until the 3rd "day". So, by what measure would days 1 and 2 have been measured? It's obvious the word "Day" in Genesis is referencing a particular period or stage within the creative process which could have lasted millions (or billions) of years and involve all sorts of process and evolution.

Where are the scientific proofs, the mathematical calculations, the scientific evidence in support of this bizarre concept of "creationism"? Scientific theory isn't born in a vacuum. Every hypothesis, every theory undergoes an amazing amount of calculations, testing, scrutiny and peer review. It isn't based on what someone "believes" sans evidence. This doesn't mean scientists always get it right. As knowledge increases old ideas again come under scrutiny time and again. However, to throw out science simply because it disagrees with ones personal beliefs or to expect those personal beliefs to be taught in a science classroom as equal to science is outrageous.

And, if Creationism is to be taught side by side with science, then why shouldn't every other creation mythology be taught as well? Why, if we work hard enough at it, science can become as convoluted as history has.

And people wonder why America rates so incredibly low in education compared to other developed countries. Sheesh.